Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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