why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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