i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
