do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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