at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize