yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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