This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
40s are totally the cure
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
