Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
