I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
