If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
