Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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