her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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