I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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