I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Randomize
