Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

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  (416): Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine. http://tfl.nu/wzgr
  Replies (4) Good night (2224) Bad night (567)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself

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  (253): I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself http://tfl.nu/cpen
  Replies (21) Good night (4524) Bad night (880)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink

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  (906): I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink http://tfl.nu/nyxg
  Replies (17) Good night (734) Bad night (4131)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7492) Bad night (1219)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

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  (314): i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting. http://tfl.nu/k93x
  Replies (44) Good night (3889) Bad night (4381)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see

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  (843): it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see http://tfl.nu/5bmk
  Replies (12) Good night (1063) Bad night (3282)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

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  (217): Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet" http://tfl.nu/r96p
  Replies (3) Good night (2254) Bad night (824)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today

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  (708): hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today http://tfl.nu/usqr
  Replies (10) Good night (1857) Bad night (1188)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not seeing this movie with you.

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  (405): VAGINAS ASSEMBLE! (580): I'm not seeing this movie with you. http://tfl.nu/6pon
  Replies (9) Good night (1530) Bad night (957)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.

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  (210): Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience. http://tfl.nu/wox2
  Replies (16) Good night (1271) Bad night (720)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.

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  (609): if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened. http://tfl.nu/us8v
  Replies (7) Good night (1214) Bad night (596)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor

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  (604): I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/wqmd
  Replies (8) Good night (625) Bad night (385)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking

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  (812): I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking http://tfl.nu/99b5
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (380)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.

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  (207): Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out. http://tfl.nu/biah
  Replies (5) Good night (489) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.

  (1-916): View more from California

  No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.

  (916): View more from California

  YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN

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  (916): You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier. (1-916): No, it's okay because this is the city of trees. (916): YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN http://tfl.nu/hcly
  Replies (8) Good night (678) Bad night (364)

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