Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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(805): View more from California

as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"

(1-805): View more from California

uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(217): View more from Illinois

Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop

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(845): View more from New York

3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.

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(214): View more from Texas

And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

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(406): View more from Montana

Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you

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(712): View more from Iowa

Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ

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