we're blogging at a bar
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?