I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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