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just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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