So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ