Texts From Last Night

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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

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  (507): As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September. http://tfl.nu/oogz
  Replies (19) Good night (4833) Bad night (802)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

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  (253): For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard. http://tfl.nu/hy6n
  Replies (10) Good night (6739) Bad night (1191)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father

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  (917): hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father http://tfl.nu/ngdo
  Replies (44) Good night (2064) Bad night (9183)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7644) Bad night (1392)
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  (949): View more from California

  Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.

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  (949): Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that. http://tfl.nu/bq5s
  Replies (10) Good night (5532) Bad night (991)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7473) Bad night (1974)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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  (+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc
  Replies (12) Good night (4245) Bad night (1136)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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  (313): if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it http://tfl.nu/hc23
  Replies (8) Good night (1412) Bad night (2372)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.

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  (773): I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit. http://tfl.nu/2ngx
  Replies (9) Good night (4236) Bad night (1180)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.

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  (210): If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever. http://tfl.nu/5js7
  Replies (8) Good night (4347) Bad night (1031)
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  (627): View more from California

  The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.

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  (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever. http://tfl.nu/zns8
  Replies (6) Good night (2145) Bad night (593)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza

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  (908): Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza http://tfl.nu/tg8r
  Replies (1) Good night (870) Bad night (380)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.

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  (206): Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix. http://tfl.nu/tj1m
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (252)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.

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  (605): Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop. http://tfl.nu/lhlx
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (118)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.

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  (850): My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit. http://tfl.nu/fvlm
  Replies (0) Good night (330) Bad night (166)

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