I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.