love makes seman taste better
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now