I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was born a porn star she said
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
