I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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