sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
