Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
