I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
