he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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