i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
