the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
