and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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