If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
