Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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