I'm lost and stupid without you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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