dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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