I need to stop coming to work sober
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
