Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
