And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
