I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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