so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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