At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
