farters have to be the big spoon...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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