No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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