last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
