If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
