once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
