Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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