Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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