yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
