Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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