Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
