Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found puke in my bra..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
