Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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