So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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