3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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