...so i touched it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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