I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
