ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
