You can't motorboat a personality
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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