The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You should frame my arrest warrant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
