Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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