last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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