Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
