dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
