6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
