My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize