How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
