Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
