So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
