I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
