My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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