he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
